I wish I could fast forward this week to…hmmm…Wednesday of next week. Not looking forward to the whole Mother’s Day thing. Mother’s Day is great, when you have a Mom. Sucks when you don’t. The entire week is a reminder of what you lost. I think of all the times I made such a big deal publicly about Mother’s Day and I feel bad about how my words might have hurt someone who lost their Mom. For that, my apologies.

Over the weekend, the crew was over. We were playing some games, I was playing Bayonetta. I was trying to take a picture of her ass (hey, it’s a great ass) with the new Incredible. Every time I tried to take a picture, the flash would cover her ass. Every single time. We all fell out laughing and you know me, I had a serious giggle fit because the more I wanted to take the picture the more the flash messed it up. Then I felt guilty for laughing because, for a moment, I forgot she was gone. I curled up in Steve’s arms, which led to us all having a group hug because my friends experience the same thing. Monarch was like a Mom to them too.

When my brother passed away I completely fell apart. It was a shock and so unexpected. Mom’s wasn’t a surprise. I didn’t want her to have to live a life fighting cancer, when cancer had clearly won.

For so many years one of the things I wanted more than anything was to find my soul mate. Someone should have smacked me because that was stupid. I enjoy being single, I could be in a relationship – could have been the entire time, but didn’t because I was looking for The One.

Hahahaha, shit, that sounds so stupid now. My bad…

Now, I enjoy life and if a guy is in it, cool. I’m happy with myself and now I see that I am actually ready for a relationship if it were to happen. Before, a relationship was curing what I felt was broken. Mom’s death changed me.

It’s spring and you know what that means? Guys dread spring/summer because that’s when people get married and their girlfriends get stars in their eyes. I’m laughing my ass off because, if the girl was the right one, she wouldn’t want to push the relationship in a direction it isn’t ready to go. She’d be more concerned about HIM than the status of their relationship.

Silly chicks…yeah I said it. Grow.The.Fuck.Up.

I’m deciding what is important and doing what I want. Steve realized this weekend I’m about as baggage free as it gets. No in-laws. No exes being annoying. Kids closer to leaving the next than being babies. I told him everything changed and I need to decide what I want. Whatever that is.

I know one thing…I wish this week was over.

While watching Linkin Park videos this weekend, I guess I said, “That’s so sexy…” and Steve asked me what I was referring to. I said “that” not “he’s” and he was curious. Looking at him I thought, “cool, I can tell him this without the world falling apart” and I said:

It’s sexy to me, as I watch their videos, their [fashion] looks changes over time.

Chester is the one that changes the most, changing hair color, style and jewelry. All of the guys switch it up. Different hair cuts and facial hair. When you look at pictures of them you can tell they change over time.

If you look at my pictures, I change looks too. Guys on the other hand can look the same over a decade. Same hair style, same facial hair. Like time stood still and they just aged. True, some guys aren’t into fashion or have a sense of style but I wonder if that stagnant trend flows in other areas of their lives?

Steve is “into” fashion. He likes his clothes to fit right and he changes his hair up. I’m not sure if he dyes it (that would be interesting) but he changes the style (he changes the edges of his hair) and definitely switches up the facial hair.

Think about it. Do you change the way you look or do you have the same style you’ve had for years?

I’ve been playing We Rule for the iPhone for a couple of weeks. I enjoy playing…when the servers are not acting up. Right now it is very buggy, which is a shame because it is a fun game.

For research, I installed my first Facebook application, Farmville. I have serious trust issues with Facebook that prevent me from using my account much. Both games have a similar theme: build your land and play with your friends. However, there is one huge difference.

Farmville: Is dependent on Facebook to log in (at this time). Once logged in, you can see all your friends playing the game and interact on their farms (they can interact on your farm as well).

We Rule: You login using a Plus+ account (free). You can add friends to your Plus+ account and interact on their land (and they can purchase things from you).

The key difference: I can add people to a Plus+ account and that has nothing to do with my contact list on my phone. I added a bunch of random strangers to my account. I have no idea who these people are and I have no way of contacting them. If I decide to delete the application, I will make sure I’ve delivered everything (and have no orders outstanding) and I will not feel like I’m letting my friends down.

With Farmville, I have not added anyone as neighbors. In comparison to We Rule, I do not see myself in the game long. I enjoy hanging out with my friends but I do not want to do everything with my friends. I enjoy interacting with new people and potentially making new friends. I’m not going to add random people to my Facebook account so I have new people to play with on Farmville.

I really do not see the addictive nature of Farmville. Maybe due to it being based on building a farm (versus We Rule building a city), but tending to my friend’s farms is not fun to me. Another annoyance, if I do something on a friend’s farm (scare away animals, fertilize their crops, feed their chickens, etc.) I am constantly asked, “Do you want to let them know you did it?”, “Do you want to send them a gift?”…message after message. I am definitely not their target audience.

Farmville most likely will not last the end of the week before I delete it. The only reason why I’m considering deleting We Rule is because of performance issues. I’m level 18 and I enjoy playing when the servers are not acting up.

One very odd thing: writing this entry made me realize I kind of miss playing World of Warcraft. I made the mistake of allowing the game to be too dependent on the fun I had playing with friends. When the friends left, it wasn’t as fun. I learned my lesson and that’s probably why Farmville doesn’t work for me. It’s too friend dependent.

I purchased a billing script to upgrade the one I currently used just before Mom was diagnosed last year. As things are calming down for me, I decided now would be a good time to start using it. When Mom was diagnosed I placed almost everything on hold.

I paid to have the scripts upgraded to the current version and have data imported. The scripts are great but, because they have many features, have a high learning curve. There were some bugs with the import to resolve. I’m taking the time to go page by page through the manual to learn how to use it before I allow the automated functions to kick in.

Steve has watched this process off and on and asked me, since it seems stable, why I didn’t just “use it”. My response was: “My foundation isn’t as stable as I’d like it”.

True intentions…

Obviously I bought the billing scripts for business purposes. When it comes to billing people, I take that very seriously. I’ve had a merchant account for a decade and I don’t have chargebacks, false charges…it is very rare for there to be a mistake and when there is, it is swiftly handled. I hate billing errors when they happen to me and I triple hate it if I were responsible for doing it to someone else.

With this new script, I want to make sure everything is right and I feel comfortable using it before turning on the automated functions. If that means I have to read the 200 page manual first, so be it. If I have to manually process transactions, that’s cool. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to place my clients in an unnecessary situation to hurry things up. That’s not the way I roll. Clients come first.

But you see…

The person in it for the money would turn the scripts on and deal with the problems as they come up. Their focus is getting the money, not creating the best experience for their clients, users, etc. I have little patience for that level of irresponsibility. There are times when you have to just “do it” but more often than not, caution to make sure the foundation is stable and strong is a wiser time-saving decision.

The time I’m taking to learn the system inside/out (and asking questions while the work was recently done) allows me to more efficiently handle any problems if they arise or predict issues that might occur and stop them from happening. The developers are more inclined to answer questions right after their migration than later when there is a problem. There is also a time issue on getting the problem quickly resolved. If I didn’t know how and had to research it, that only extends the time the client is inconvenienced. I don’t like that.

Steve’s point of view…

To him, I have a strong accounting background so I should be able to easily handle any problems that arise. I saw exactly where he was coming from. Then I told him something like this:

Yes, I have a strong accounting background but I have to make sure that the import data is correct, that the values are being calculated properly, then see if the reports are correct. You think I’m going to assume the reports are right…with a strong accounting background? I’d have to know how to use the scripts to see where the values are coming from.

To which he replied that he’d have to assume that the reports are correct because he doesn’t have the strong accounting background that I do. I understood exactly where he was coming from. After thinking about it more, being in the position of not knowing if the reports are right it would be in his best interest to thoroughly read the manual and take his time before turning on the automation simply because he has more of a disadvantage than I do…he doesn’t have the accounting knowledge but he’d learn a bit if he took the time. Since he needs to put financial software in place for his business, my experience gave him a lot to consider.

In the end…

I don’t mind taking the time to go through the manual. Actually, I’m impressed the scripts have a manual so in-depth to go through. I’m not going to take advantage of their kindness. I’m trying to find answers for myself before asking. I do the same thing on Twitter. I only ask something AFTER I researched it first. Google is my friend and I use it. A lot.

In the end, I have a script that can easily and automatically handle hundreds of thousands of clients and millions of transactions. A strong foundation to grow on.

When I go to the grocery store each week, I always see a guy following his wife around the store. Always walking behind her, sometimes with the cart. They always look extremely bored, as if they would prefer to be else where.

Why are they there? If their wives can’t drive, drop them off, pick them up in an hour. Have the wife call when she is about to get in line. Why do guys go and I guess why would wives ask their husbands to do something they clearly don’t want to do? I expect to be able to the same.

I never asked my exes to go follow me around the store, even if I was shopping for them. Now that I think about it, I don’t ask them to see “chick flicks” or movies I know they wouldn’t enjoy. I don’t see the point. I think he should be able to say “I’d prefer not to do that” and the world doesn’t fall apart or feelings get hurt.

I don’t get it.