Tyme Said

I wrote a series of entries How to Be Big and Fail based off a person in my life. I saw his mistakes and noticed, while going through blogs for 9rules, the same behaviors carried into blogging. This makes sense because people usually don’t morph into completely different people (morals, ethics, interests, etc.) when they get online. If they make foolish mistakes offline, they make them online too.

The person I wrote about commented on my blog. I closed comments off but Google has a cache. I took a screen just in case the cache disappears:

LikeFineWine (LFW) is addicted to the club scene. So are his friends, which is why they are poison in his life. When my friends and I go to the club we are able to perform the next day, our bills are paid…it was a night out just like going to the movie. I get up at the same time, I work like I always do and I can’t tell my kids I can’t be a Mommy because I went out the night before. My name is Tyme White and I’m an adult. When LFW goes to the club he ends up spending (and it doesn’t matter how) hundreds of dollars in a month. Spending that money cripples his ability to take care of himself and he was lucky enough to have people in his life that tried to help him out by giving him the money to survive. My best friend was one of those people. He doesn’t give a damn about those people.

LFW acknowledged his problem on my site July 5, 2007. Same shit he’s been saying for the past year. Last night I dropped by the usual spot, he wasn’t there. I asked myself where I would be if I was LFW (praying I wouldn’t find him) and it didn’t take me long to find him. He was on the dance floor with a female he has a crush on who might be giving him a tad bit of attention but told him flat out she just wanted to be friends (she’s using him - always needs something). I took a picture and sent it to my friend, who responded “*cries” and I have no doubt she was because she went through hell with him for a year and that moment she realized it was for nothing. He had not changed. He didn’t give a damn about her friendship. He played her for a fool (because he knows he has a problem and refuses to get help) and the worse thing…he has an addiction. It wasn’t past debt that messed him up. The back stuff never was paid off because he kept fucking up currently.

It’s August 3, he spent a couple hundred in the club and he’s broke for the month. Three damn days into the month and he’s broke. Even if he squeezes past this month because his debt is more than his income, he’s fucked for next month.

We tried to be there for him, to keep him out of the club, to support him and obviously, he needs professional help. An addict can’t get over the addiction if the bad influences remain in the person’s life. One of the hurdles for those dealing with substance abuse is giving up the lifestyle, their friends AND the substance they are addicted to. People see this clearly with celebrities but get stupid when applying the same things to their own lives.

It boils down to all or nothing. Face it: a person that will repeatedly risk their well being isn’t healthy. They need help.

The messed up thing, people reading this will clearly see LFW’s problem but make the exact same mistakes in blogging. They want to be big” but will cripple their ability to be “big”. Why join every social network under the sun and participate in them, causing your readers to have to go to 10 different places to follow what you say? Pick one or two (socializing is great) that provide the most benefit (or the most fun) and kill the rest (spend that time on your blog instead). Why complain about traffic if you have more reasons for people to click off your blog than to remain on your blog? Don’t complain about not getting enough comments when on occasion you do receive a comment and you don’t respond to the person (don’t be surprised if they don’t come back). You designed your site based on your favorite color and you love that color so much that it dominates the site…to the point it becomes offensive.

I’m not a saint and God knows I make my mistakes but if I had an addiction I would hope my friends would do what’s best for me even if it means some tough love. The reason why I understand LFW’s problem: because I’ve been there, done that. I wouldn’t go back to my 20s for anything because I never want to trade the wisdom and knowledge I gained through those experiences.

Goodbye LFW…I wish you much success but my friend and I are through with you unless you make some serious changes in your life. When you decide to get serious about being a better person, don’t hesitate to pick up the phone because we’ll be there.

And I’m done with this topic now. I feel confident I did everything I could, even writing about it publicly (and he read it). There comes a point in your life when you have to accept failure. My friend and I failed LFW because our love and support simply isn’t stronger than his need to surround himself with people who are no good. Addiction is a bitch and IMO, so are the people in his life allowing him to bury himself.

No related posts.