Learning how to write…again
If you write long enough you’ll get to a point where you might get tired of talking about the same thing, your focus has changed, you matured, etc.
That is where I’m at in my life, again. Finding my “voice”. I want to talk, I have a diverse range of interests - yet when I write I can’t publish it. Sometimes I’ll sit staring at the screen trying to think of a title and unable to do so, I scrap the entire thing. Even on IM I swear I can’t talk straight and my words don’t come across the way I intend for them to (probably because I’m in a constant state of anger and frustration).
Why? Circumstances in my life. I’ve turned into a hermit while recuperating and I felt like there was no point in building up anything because every time I do (and I do mean every time) a pest I can’t get rid of messes it up. I now know the devastating effect this person has on my life and I’m starting to understand the mental effect these circumstances had on me. For example, I’ve been teased a lot about my inability to level in World of Warcraft. The people that know me can’t figure it out because it is the opposite of my personality. I’m the type to dive in all enthusiastic and not look up until the task is complete. This was in all aspects of my life so why in WoW couldn’t I level? Because I started slowly self-destructing myself so this person wouldn’t screw things up for me and WoW was where the behavior was first bluntly obvious however I didn’t figure out I was doing that (understanding the why behind it) until yesterday. Looking back I did this in all aspects of my life because this is how often this person was the root of my misery. For a year and 1/2. Before you think I’m out of my mind with the launch of Ali2 I had less than 24 hours of joy before this person turned my world upside down. Completely out of the blue. Again.
If I allow this person to have this much impact on my life, this person wins. Can’t let the bitch win so I have to get things together. One of my first steps (I made many today), I have to reclaim my confidence, my passion…my “voice” online. It’s time for me to be “me” again, whatever that is. Playing hide and go seek with my “voice” I asked some questions:
1) What do I want to talk about? (I have no idea)
2) What domain name will I use? (I have no idea)
3) Is this a professional site or a personal one? (Ummm….)
4) Depending on the topic, how often does the site need to be updated? (*whistles)
5) What blogging tool will I use? (Finally, I have an answer)
6) What design will I use? (Aaah, sookie sookie now…I’m on a roll)
7) When will this site launch? (Um, when I figure out 1-4?)
Those are some of the questions a responsible person asks when starting a blog. Don’t get me wrong, many don’t and achieve success simply because they didn’t over analyze it. My success came from having fun but I did plan it out because, er, that was fun to me?
I’m going to do something different this time. Complete spontaneity. No plan. And you guys get to take this journey with me! This will be tons of fun!
…..
See you on the other side (this domain will redirect to the new spot - to the domain I haven’t decided on yet).
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