Tyme Said

I’m not sure how Two Coreys ended up on my Tivo but I decided to check out what was their season premiere. I guess last season they fell out and this season they are working on putting their long time friendship back together. Some deep seeded anger and pain seems to be pulling them apart now. Their show sort of paved the way to me thinking about what “is” vs. what “should be”. Let’s see if I can coherently express my thoughts. Since you guys like relationship entries let’s take that as an example (but this could apply to anything).

Jack meets Jill. Jack and Jill have a platonic relationship, have fun when the go out…really good vibe. One day when Jill mentions she has a date, Jack realizes he’s jealous of her going out with other men. What Jack doesn’t realize is that she felt the same way about Jack (non-platonic feelings) and decided to see other people to help make those “inappropriate” feelings go away. Just hanging out they got to know each other on a different level than if they dated and a connection formed. You can insert a reason why the feelings are “inappropriate” (nothing illegal or immoral now):

Jack is Jill’s best friend’s brother.
Jill is his best friend’s ex-girlfriend.
Jack and Jill work together.
Jack and Jill have different (opposing) religious beliefs and their families would freak out.
Jack lives in Alaska and Jill lives in Aruba.
One of them is rich and the other is poor.
They are complete opposites of each other.

I could go on, but the “inappropriate” feelings go against what normally would be advised on what one “should” do given the circumstance. Jack and Jill never acted on their feelings because acting on them isn’t what they “should” do. If the feelings don’t go away (the circumstance does not change) why does “should be” overrides “what is” - the current situation?

Who gives a damn about what “should be”? Seriously, how can what SHOULD BE (but isn’t) override what IS? The key in this scenario is that Jack and Jill didn’t act on their feelings and the feelings didn’t go away. That makes them (the feelings) real - they endure time. It’s not impulse, it’s not foolish emotion - so why not act on it?

If your parents want you to be a doctor, you tried going to school to be a doctor but in your heart you want to be an artist, if that desire doesn’t go away why not pursue being an artist? Because it is something you “shouldn’t” do?

If you want to move overseas but you would be leaving family and friends behind (you are advised you “shouldn’t” move out of the country because you would be alone), if you really want to move will the desire go away or will the desire get stronger? If it continues to get stronger won’t you become miserable if you don’t try?

If you try the relationship/being an artist/relocating/insert-whatever-circumstance-here and it doesn’t work out, you tried. You pursued it. You fulfilled a goal. You most likely learned something. Probably had some good times. The truth: the other situation wasn’t working either so what is there to lose?

The Two Coreys have a lot of “should be” crap going on between them that conflicts with what “is”. When I thought about it more, don’t we all have that to some degrees in our lives?

The question is: why do we let it stay that way?

With blogging there are different niches created by people will similar interests. Ideas, thoughts, and discussion reverberate throughout these niches like sound waves bounce off walls. The thoughts, discussions and ideas floating across the internet in these niches do not have to be valid, sound or even logical in the long term because the people echoing the thoughts are not necessarily qualified or experienced enough to validate the thoughts, discussions and ideas. This is why popularity in the echo chamber can be devastating - or a serious wakeup call when the person steps outside the echo chamber. The illusion of grandeur doesn’t make it true.

Popularity for the right reasons

There is a teenage girl named Kristina that likes to sing. She creates YouTube videos of her singing. She has almost 7000 subscribers on YouTube and 15K friends on MySpace.

Except she can’t hold a note. If you read the comments on her MySpace page you’ll see things like:

“I don’t think I actually know a more talented person than you, Tina.”
“damnnnnnnn you’re a hotttttttttttie!!!!!”
“hey tina! I really dont understand how you could possibly be single!?! are you lying to us?? if not, lets go out sometime.”

But she has fans! The truth: she’s amusing to watch. Her delusion on being a singer one day is puzzling to the point of being fascinating. Her defense to the people who comment on her singing is that they are jealous of her. She’s just making videos, she’s not hurting anyone but if she seriously thinks because she has fans that she shouldn’t take some singing lessons to improve her voice then she is hurting herself.

That’s what happens in online with bloggers - they begin to believe the hype the echo chamber spits out.

Are you like Tina?

Don’t get me wrong - I wish Tina the best but sometimes what we want and what we have the ability to do are two different things. Just as the echo chamber can give a false impression of popularity, validity in the niche, expertise, etc. stepping out the echo chamber can result in a bitch-slap. If you notice Tina has comments off on her videos - because that would result in her stepping outside the echo chamber. The minute she opens comments the negative comments pour in, kind-hearted people try to explain to her that she could use some singing lessons, or that people are laughing at her…but her mind is closed and her closed mind could cripple her from improving. Especially since she has 22K people following her that can make it easier for her to believe she is better than she is.

You know, deep down, if you’re like Tina. The question: do you have the balls to admit it?