Understanding her insecurities
Most people have some sort of insecurity when it comes to dating. Women are no exception, they have insecurities they might not verbalize because they do not want to cause drama unnecessarily.
Or they suspect the guy won’t tell the truth when she asks, so why bother?
Either case, the insecurities exist and unfortunately for men, some are a paradox. For example, a common fear women have is the guy’s sole interest in her is for sex. The problem here, if a man makes a move too soon, she might come to a false conclusion. If the man waits too long, she’ll think he has a platonic interest (or worse, lost interest). Watch for her signals because women usually let men know what they want and what they expect.
If you are interested in her, please let her know that you are. Many women take their cues from the man she is interested in. If the man hides his interests she’ll assume there is no interest and focus her attention elsewhere. A related insecurity is if a man is losing interest in her. The longer the relationship the more effort needed to reassure her that your interest is still there, not from obligation, but from true desire and interest.
This will eventually arise in almost every relationship: the fear of cheating. Be very careful about this if there is a history of cheating in her past. Are you a flirt? You might want to stay away from women who have been cheated on as they might view your flirting as a first step to cheating. This does not mean you should not be honest with her. If you are dating other women, be honest and let her know. If you’re having sex she might assume the relationship has moved to an exclusive one.
If you are satisfied in bed, let her know that. Women enjoy knowing she has pleased her man just like men like to know they are pleasing their women. Contrary to some twisted belief, women usually do not like quiet men in bed. Express yourself.
Life isn’t fair and there will be times in a relationship when one might have to work harder than the other to maintain the status quo. Once insecurities are dealt with they usually do not resurface unless behavior triggers them. Understanding the problems in a relationship will make the “work” less effort and help ensure those insecurities do not resurface.
Related posts:
Andre Says:
If you’re into a girl how can a man not let her know he wants her?
Posted on February 8th, 2008 at 7:47 pm
Deidre Says:
Wow, am I the first to comment on your new blog? I LOVE IT! I’m so glad you stopped talking about that other stuff. I suppose it is interesting to those that like that type of thing but your topics now are something everyone can relate to. I’m very happy. Very happy.
Posted on February 8th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
Kayleen Turner Says:
I’m not very good at talking about what’s on my mind. I had a bad experience with that. I confided in my ex-boyfriend and he confided my business to his friends and it caused so many problems. I try not to let that horrible experience enter my current relationships but I’ll hold back first.
Posted on February 8th, 2008 at 8:29 pm
Felicia Says:
I have insecurities but I try not to let them get the best of me. A woman who has been cheated on staying away from a flirt is good advice. If the cheating still bothers her then she could make them both miserable over nothing.
Posted on February 8th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Helene Says:
Men have their insecurities too! If I could count how many men I met that had the ex syndrome. Grrrr! Request: please write about that.
Posted on February 8th, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Hector Says:
What’s the ex syndrome?
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 1:07 am
J Says:
What if she won’t let you get close enough to know what her insecurities are?
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 8:40 am
Colleen Says:
Males do have insecurities, sometimes more than the female. I second the request for an article on that topic.
Hector, the ex syndrone (I think) is when the female has to pay the price for what the previous girlfriend did. Always being compared to an ex-girlfriend.
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 10:36 am
Tyme White Says:
You’d be surprised how often that happens. Fear of rejection.
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 4:20 pm
Tyme White Says:
You were one of the first! Glad you like it. I’m happy too.
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 4:21 pm
Tyme White Says:
An essential part of a relationship is communication. I sympathize though because opening up isn’t my strong suit but I work on it.
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Tyme White Says:
If she is still hurt from the cheating, most def. The guy will only end up jumping through hoops. *hugs
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Tyme White Says:
The relationship doesn’t have a chance. Intimacy (not only sex) is a strong part of a relationship. It is an element that makes it real.
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 4:23 pm
Tyme White Says:
I added it to the list. If you have other requests you can use the link on the sidebar to send ‘em to me.
Posted on February 9th, 2008 at 4:24 pm
Melanie Davis Says:
“If you are interested in her, please let her know that you are.”
Second! Third! Fourth! Is he waiting for the right time? Is there a right time?
Posted on February 10th, 2008 at 5:47 pm
Tyme White Says:
That would be a miracle answer there. In my case it’s because I’m intimidating at first. I’m trying to work on that. Be more inviting.
Posted on February 10th, 2008 at 6:50 pm